#15 Spooks

Yesterday I went camping for the first time at Cherrystone Campgrounds.  But I got a confused on my way there because the big sign that I assume would have said ‘Cherrystone’ had a banner over it that said ‘Scarystone.’  You see, Halloween is next week.  I was pretty sure it was a trick so kept driving and eventually found my friends.  Little did I know though how the cherry definitely was scary that day.

My friends had come the day before and were excitedly telling me about how much fun we were going to have that night at the haunted house.  A few of them have ridden on a roller coaster with me, so they know how much I scream.  Having no experience with haunted houses before, I asked “Is it like a corn maze?”  “Uh, you mean a haunted corn maze?”  “Well, no, I guess just a regular one.”  “… Mmm, no.  It’s not like that at all.  I want to be right next to you as we go through it.”  Though I was looking at some disturbingly devious smiles, I agreed to go.  It was 10 in the morning, pancakes were cooking over the fire and the sky was all sun, so of course I agreed. 

The day passed as all great camping days should with laughing around the breakfast fire, a nap in a hammock, exploring nature, hamburgers with a little fire dust in them, and watching the sunset.  Before we knew it, the sun was totally down, the stars were coming out just as we were heating up some coffee.  Then we started hearing crazy noises from the far away haunted house.  I noticed the devious smiles returned, and a little too soon after I’d gotten my coffee, it was time to go.   

We waited outside in line for about half an hour (where I got to see my first shooting star ever).  As I started realizing these deathly noises had some repetition, I thought to myself—“This isn’t so bad.  I know there’ll be a chainsaw, spooky screams, general moaning, and a heartbeat.  I’ll try to play up my reactions to make my friends happy, but I don’t think I’ll be too scared.”

All in a moment, it was time to go in.  We were in a group of 8, but somehow I was pushed to the front and encouraged to go in.  “We’re right behind you!” 

I walked in.

After a few seconds of standing totally still, my eyes adjusted to the total blackness and I realized I was in some kind of giant maze with drapes for walls.  The noises were real—not at all like the ones I heard outside.  I was getting very afraid.  I noticed ahead of me, there were torn drapes instead of solid ones.  “I guess I should go through them.”  As I walked through the torn drapes, I screamed for the first time.  There was some kind of gruesome crime scene involving a bathtub, scrawled writing on the walls, and blue green lights. 

“Just look at the ground.  How do I get out of here?”  I saw a wall with thick plastic strips, so I assumed that’s where to go next.  My eyes again took a moment to adjust to the darkness, and I started putting up my hands trying to figure out what was just blackness ahead, what was drapes, and what was my next turn.  The blackness truly scared me.  I turned a couple of corners, almost getting into a rhythm, and then out of nowhere a figure jumped out of the drapes right in front of me bellowing with a slightly glowing dead person mask.  I screamed one of those high-as-you-can-get unending screams.  He started moving slowly toward me, I couldn’t see how to get around him, and I was so afraid, so I started backing up and backed right into a friend of mine who grabbed my shoulders and led me around this attacker who was still bellowing.  He needn’t have kept bellowing though, because my screams were still three times as loud as his. 

Then it happened again, and again and again.  Though I started expecting these attackers as I went through the darkness to jump out of nowhere, my fear (ok and my screams) only increased. Through this maze of darkness, some kind of wolf-man, a witch, a corpse sitting up out of a coffin, a ghoul, and other bone-exposed figures all heard an earful of my screams.  My prodding friend behind me was laughing as he kept pushing me past these terrible spooks.  Were it not for him, I’d probably still be backed in a corner somewhere in there screaming and shaking. 

After about an eternity and a half, I started noticing a little blue mixed in with the blackness.  That kept happening, and then I rounded a corner and saw night sky!  I started running and crossed the finish line of stars with all the passion of an Olympic sprinter.

Be careful what you say yes to. 

#14 Before the Amen

The Lord has fed me so much wisdom and godly teaching my whole life that surely I am the most grace-given person on the planet.  Yet only God can open my heart to truly understanding Himself.  I still have a pitiful understanding of certain things of God.  Prayer is one of those.

How do you listen to the Lord?

How do you stay in step with Him?

How do you experience a God you can’t see yet?

How do you know what you’re hearing is the Lord’s voice?

These questions, though I’m sure I’ve been given logical answers masses of times, still ring in my heart almost daily. 

Last week at work, I was asked to come up with 2-3 prayer requests for the upcoming year in my area of ministry for the church.  Then when the whole staff will pray for them together in about a month. 

I sat with a blank document on my computer ready to type them out.  How can I come up with true requests not to impress the staff, but to truly engage the Lord?  I decided I should just start praying for my area, and then see what requests came.  Then something crazy happened.

I started fluttering around a couple of different default topics, but as my honesty increased, I started jumping into some requests I’d never thought about before.  I prayed for direction and inspiration for me in a new area of my job that I’ve been avoiding out of intimidation, but really needed to address.

Then out of nowhere as I was typing, the Lord started giving me just what I was asking for!  All the sudden, fresh ideas started coming into my mind about this new area.  Not only that, but I started getting really excited about them.  I’m not sure I can explain this well, but what’s craziest to me is that I wasn’t in brainstorm mode—I wasn’t looking for ideas, but they just started coming.  So I abandoned the prayer request list (I still haven’t found my way back to it yet) and filled up a big whiteboard with the different ideas flooding my mind.  Now days later, I’m still excited for what I think the Lord has in store for our church through these ideas.

Communicating with an unseen, all-knowing, recklessly loving God is full of mystery, but it’s extremely powerful.  Watch out for what you pray for.  The Lord might answer you before you even say Amen.  

"I will answer them before they even call to Me.  While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!"  Isaiah 65:24

  

Remembering -- It's a command.

Today a boy who lived with us a few years ago came back to visit. We sat around telling stories of crazy days of dorm life and bonding and your father’s skills at the detective side of his job. There was a pulling into the circle that occurred with the story-telling. Young and old, newbies and our core-kids all gathered to listen in. Laughter and memories revived a home-feeling inside me to a level that I haven’t felt since a holiday or baking cookies.  

Also today, I wrote a letter to a heart-friend I haven’t seen in several years. I thought I might do a little rewind of life -- to let you see some swooping shots of your momma’s life these days, and over these past few years. Maybe you’ll be pulled into the circle too. 

Here’s an excerpt from the letter:

"Our house has been under renovation for a year and a half. They should be done around Thanksgiving-- and it looks beautiful. What a blessing! We will have moved 4 times in the year and a half by the time all is said and done. We have stayed in some very cool houses in the meantime. In one of the houses, we had a bed bug infestation in the dorm side of the house -- but miraculously never in the apartment! (thank You Lord!) The current house is a log cabin in the woods from which we bus our boys in to school everyday. We have our first senior this year -- who has lived with us the entire time we’ve been at FCA (Sam).  Some of our boys have asked to start calling Ran Dad. It is a humbling, amazing life we live. I’ve been playing music in our house for a long time now with one boy (Chase) who I tell I am only half a musician without him. We’ve taught some of my college songs to our student body. 

Teaching is sweet. I love it. Dr. Cooper came last year when we had a CIU student teacher here. Dr. Layman and Dr. Uecker (from the seminary) have also come to do training with the FC teacher staff. The CIU connection always refreshes my heart and urges me onto loving and serving more whole-heartedly. I love my students this year (as I have every year) -- their stories break my heart and drive compassion deep in me as I lead them to more and more truth in the freedom of God’s Word. 

My marriage is delightful. I love Randy. He is just getting better and better. He is a stinking good counselor and wise parental figure for our boys. I am very proud to be his wife. 

My babies are such a joy. They fill my life with snuggles and giggles. They are also my biggest challenge and frustration as I see my impatience and selfish heart most vividly in the daily dying to myself that life with them requires. I am learning more and more what it is to be a Momma and what that instills into a child and what it means to pass on the fear of the Lord to my children. I get a weekly break on Saturday afternoons that I consider Sabbath and that keeps joy as oil in my momma-gears.

Randy’s best friend of 20 years and his wife moved into the little boy dorm as dorm parents over a year ago now. That has been an unbelievably good gift that now makes us feel like we have family here, right next door! Our kids play together like cousins and when we have dinners together filled with much Arrowood-laughter (as they normally are) it just feels like a little bit of heaven.  

I lead a girls Bible study on Thursday nights -- it basically is a group of quality Jesus-loving girls that I get to shepherd and encourage on to loving the Lord more. This past summer I had two of the seven girls choose major moral failure and lie about it really well over a period of time. This was a deep betrayal to me when I found out and has made me feel gun shy and doubtful about my discipleship/teaching efforts. But the Lord has helped me grow in it to remember that I cannot change hearts myself and that I must remember to pray more for my girls. Also this summer, I had my first original discipleship girl get married and I about died of happiness and joy. 

I love doing my hobbies in the afternoons while my kids nap -- quilting, reading, painting, writing. My sister, mom and I are writing a blog/hopeful-one-day-book for little Eden. You should read it!"

:) :) :)

#13 Distant

Dear Sweet Eden:

I’m so happy that you are in our family.  What a treasure.  I’m excited to see who you become.

So the premise of this book is for us to write about what the Lord has been teaching us, in the hopes of someday encouraging you and anyone else reading this.  I’m not totally sure I have something massive to say today. 

The truth is, I feel pretty distant from the Lord right now.  Feeling—that’s a scary word to use, especially knowing how quickly my emotions change. 

But the feeling remains.  How do I even quantify “feeling distant”?  Or a more helpful question: What do you do when you’re feeling distant from the Lord?

Here might be some helpful things to do:

1. Probe your heart for indwelling sin.  Confess what you find.
2. Think through your relationships and forgive anyone in your life you’re holding a grudge against.
3. Talk to the Lord about it and ask for His help.
4. Monitor what (or who) is consuming your thoughts.  What’s the first thought you had this morning?  What do you want more of in your life right now.  If the honest answers are things other than the Lord, that’s a potential red flag for an idol.
5. Surrender your heart to the Lord in a fresh way, even if you’re not feeling emotionally attached.
6. Ask for prayer from a friend.
7. Honor the Lord with your time.  Do concrete things for Him.

For now, I guess the key is to wait on the Lord.  He has me in His hands and He’s taking care of me on a level beyond feeling or comprehension.

Love you Eden!

1 Peter 2/Isaiah 53

Little sheep, run so far
Holding tight your own way
Broken knee finally bent
Here you are hugged and Home

The Shepherd of my soul
See His scars?
No one cares for me
Like Him

In His body on the tree
There, little lamb, your sin died
Alive now in glorious Christ
Your heart is beating and whole

The Shepherd's scars
There I am healed
No one cares for me
Like Him

Friends and family:

"For Your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in Your faithfulness..." Ps. 26:3

We are writing with joy to share how the Lord has paved the way before us with His faithfulness with Eden. Randy and I thank you all for your powerful prayers over our time here.

We had a good day flying north. On the first flight Eden melt-down-screamed for the first twenty minutes and then proceeded to be an angel for the rest of our day-long travels. My extended family met us at the airport and took good care of us as we were thoroughly worn out.

Mayo clinic was amazing. We felt at every turn that we were getting insightful diagnosis and practical help for Eden's future. The staff went out of their way to be kind to us and to love on Eden.

So here's what it all boiled down to:

#1 No Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Thank You Lord, Yahweh-our-Healer. This is blessed news indeed. Apparently EDS diagnosed at a young age can be pretty scary.

#2 There is nothing wrong with Eden's hips. There were thoughts of hip dysphasia but it was ruled out via X-ray. She has bizarrely flexible hips and probably will in the future. We were given helpful physical therapy coaching and a brace that she will wear to keep her legs together until her muscles strengthen for crawling/walking.

#3 Eden's small size and eating difficulties are still somewhat puzzling to the doctors ("mmmm... well you are a puzzle, aren't you?"--said Very Smart Doctor) We met with an occupational therapist to help us creatively help our baby who refuses to drink like a normal person. She was so dehydrated while here that the labs couldn't take her blood work. Holding her down for all the pokes was definitely her momma's least favorite part of the trip...

#4 We are excited to connect with Mississippi's Early Intervention program that with continue physical therapy in our area. The doctors also want to track with Eden to see if she continues to stay small over the next few months. They will do long distance blood work to continue to work on her case if there is still concern.

Thank you all for your LOVE (calls, texts, subbing, gifts, hugs, notes...)! We feel so loved by Christ's hands and feet. We look forward to returning to MS this weekend.

In Him,
Joy&Randy&Eden

Blessèd Jesus, Gentle Shepherd, You have led us here and You have loved us. We are humbled by Your kindness in the sweetness of the answers we received about our little one. Thank You for grace in days of sunshine and storm. Thank You for many of my brothers and sisters who have walked darker paths and have maintained Your praise on their lips. I am humbled to serve by their side in Your Kingdom.

In the matchless Name,
Amen

waiting for our flights

on the plane

view from the waiting area in Mayo Clinic

amazing pediatric clinic 

pediatric physical therapy

exhausted

happy girls